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A Testimony of Kyle Clarkson To the Grace and Glory of Christ Jesus Thursday, November 15, 2007

My Grandfather served in the Second World War. Drafted for only a year, he was away from home four years, five months, and twenty-two days. Your Grandfather’s probably have similar stories- Men who were told to go to war and gave up more than just time. I have always had a deep respect for those men. They are whom I had in mind when I raised my right hand for the protection of what I love. “Freedom isn’t free” as the saying goes, and as a Christian this is probably one of the most pivotal truths.

When I enlisted in the Army National Guard two-and-half years ago, deployment was not a matter of if it would happen but only when. But that “when” seemed very far off. The plan was to enlist and join ROTC to keep me from getting deployed while I finished school. Then several years later I would be an officer in the Army and maybe this whole mess would be over and if it wasn’t I would deal with it then.

Now, I am a Specialist and an Infantryman, and after nearly a year of decisions and changes, I have less than two months left to spend with the ones I love. I will be leaving December 28th to begin a yearlong deployment in Iraq. It has been a long and difficult road to get me where I am at today. Any plans I have for my life have been put on hold as I prepare to take a step of Faith and get out of the boat that I have been accustomed to my whole life.

The reality of being deployed is this: I will be thousands of miles away from home, out of touch with my family and friends, always on the lookout for the next roadside bomb or sniper or suicide bomber. There is a very real possibility that my friends or myself will be injured or killed. I will see things, hear things, and do things that will will change me and scar me forever. I will do more growing up in one year than most people do in a lifetime. And I will not be the same man when I, if I come home. It is a very sobering reality to be faced with.

Every day brings me closer to this inescapable and undeniable fate. And I wrestle everyday with these things. I question my courage and strength to see this through. Will I make a difference? What makes me so special for this? Will I be forgotten? Will my life and death mean anything to anyone? What about my family? What about my friends? What if something happens and I can’t be there? I feel like I am falling off the face of the earth. What about my hopes and dreams? I want to get married, to have children, and experience all those moments that parents eagerly wait for. Will I get that?

“Look to your right and left.” he said, “Someone in this room isn’t coming home.” Words like that are not exactly the encouraging or hopeful words you expect from your leadership, but they are the truth, however terrifying that may be. But it is this truth that has moved my heart to deploy with the men I serve with, with my friends.

It was about a year ago when the first rumors of a deployment began. I knew I was ”safe” in ROTC but something didn’t sit right with that outlook. Why should my other friends go off to war while I stay safe at home? That something was Christ at work in me.

The saying goes “there are no atheists in foxholes”. That is probably because in the face homesickness, stress, and death men start to look for answers to life’s biggest questions. I wouldn’t say I’m the only follower of Christ of the roughly one hundred and forty men in my company, But there are probably about three of who really understand that we may be the only light these men may ever see. I realized back then that God had prepared a role that was mine alone to fulfill. After that, I quit ROTC.

The more time I have spent training with my company, the more I have realized that I am set apart and that I have a purpose. I’ve done nothing extraordinary to distinguish myself but they have figured out that there is something different about me. As a result I’ve been asked to be a Spiritual Advisor. It is things like this that have happened over and over again on to affirm and reaffirm that this is where God wants me. And to be honest, there is no other place I would rather be even though it weighs heavy on my heart.

My story is on the far end of the spectrum but somewhere at some point in time Christ asks us all to follow him. Sometimes it is easy while other times He may lead you someplace you didn’t plan on, somewhere that you don’t want to go, or ask you to give up something you hold so tightly. It is in these moments that I have had to ask myself, and what we, as Followers of Christ, need to ask ourselves; “Do we trust Christ? Is He worth it?” Following Christ does not mean life will be easy; He never said it would be. But following Christ does make it more fulfilling. Our lives should be a constant giving over of our will to God. He says He “will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

At this point in time I’m caught up in the middle of this story. I know what has gotten me to this point but the future is clouded and only time will tell what God has planned. Every day is a struggle, but in it all I have resolved myself with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength to see it through to the end (Mark 12:30).

I only have one thing to ask of you all: and that is to hold these men in your hearts and in your prayers. They do a job most will not and cannot and their sacrifices are great. Remember, Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). Some of us may be called to that. Please remember us.